The Society of Awesome Vegetarians

Last Week’s post “The League of Evil Vegetarians” proved to be very controversial, and my most viewed blog post.  Of course if those evil vegetarians are left unchecked they would be force-feeding us dangerous soy.  Thank God for the Society of Awesome Vegetarians who abstain from meat but ensure us the freedom to eat corned beef sandwiches.

Albert Einstein

Einstein was everything you want a genius scientist to be.  He had the ignoble background, the catchy quotes, and the crazy hair.  He also was a vegetarian.  Every team needs a science minded type to help outsmart the bad guys.  Often they have lame powers but make up for it with their brain.  Einstein is the Ray Palmer of the Society of Awesome Vegetarians.

Greg Hackenberg

But only when he’s dressed as a banana.  And talking on his banana phone.  Almost certainly there is a very important banana on the other end of that call.

Your Sister

You always teased her that the only reason she’s a vegetarian is because she thinks dolphins are so cute.  And you tormented her throughout childhood by refusing to eat dolphin-safe tuna, always saying that tuna just didn’t taste right without the little chunks of dolphin.  Then when you went to Singapore during semester-at-sea you called her collect just to tell her that you were enjoying a big juicy dolphin steak.  Your sister is in the Society of Awesome Vegetarians because she always forgives you for being such a jerk.

Prince Fielder

I love overweight baseball players and Prince Fielder is one of the best.  A lot of people make fun of baseball players because they can be fat and successful.  That’s the American dream right there.  Prince Fielder is out there representing all the fat American vegetarians who can hit a baseball 450 feet.  Actually, I’m sure he’s the only fat American vegetarian who can do that.

Bernadette Peters

When you’re surrounded by the League of Evil Vegetarians it may seem as if all is hopeless.  But what you really need is a sexy, busty redhead to sing your way out.  What choice do you have besides Bernadette Peters, one of the most under-appreciated talents of our time.  What, you already appreciate Bernadette Peters?  Not enough.  To be able to sing like her and still be a vital part of classic comedies like “The Jerk” and “Heartbeeps” proves how awesome she is.  And check out this song with the Muppets.


About ronfreeman42

I'm trustworthy.
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2 Responses to The Society of Awesome Vegetarians

  1. Greg Hackenberg says:

    As the great philosopher A. Whitney Brown once so eloquently stated, “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”

  2. Pingback: The Great Retired Vegetarians | I Trust Ron Freeman

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