I’m certainly enjoying my life with you, but since you asked for it, here’s a list of what I could be if I didn’t have you.
1. Railroad Bum
I would walk along railroad tracks across the country and attempt to hop freight cars. I would keep warm with other railroad bums around barrel fires. We would all cook cans of beans over the barrel. I hate baked beans but if you weren’t in my life all I’d eat would be baked beans. Railroad brakemen would occasionally throw me off the trains into prairie fields.
2. Squatter In An Abandoned House
You know how much I love abandoned houses and getting things for free. So why wouldn’t I love getting an abandoned house for free? All I’d have to do is live in an abandoned house for seven years and then it’s legally mine. Of course you could squat in a house with me but I would never make you live in this kind of squalor. I could live in squalor as long as it was free.
3. Con Artist
I’ve long feared that I’m one bad day away from being a criminal. However I don’t see myself as the deranged, psycho, hurt people sort of criminal. But I could maybe be the charming opportunistic sort that gets good at cheating at poker and double-crossing other con artists.
Let’s face it, with my beard and shotgun I am 25% of the way there. If I start squatting in an abandoned house I’m easily 75% there. And without you I’m sure I’d go at least a little crazy so that should put me up to 100% hermit. Also, wouldn’t I look great with a corncob pipe and a big jug of moonshine?